God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
