Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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