I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize