I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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