That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
