i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
