it hurts more in the daytime
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
