well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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