I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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