WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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