he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize