Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
