we're blogging at a bar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
