Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
