epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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