This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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