PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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