he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
