On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
