WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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