Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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