you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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