hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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