Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
