i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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