Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
