his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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