The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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