3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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