So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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