i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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