He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
