You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
