I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
