Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
