Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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