So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
