Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
