What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
