That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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