Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
