I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
