that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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