Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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