I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
