Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
