Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
