I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
