you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
