I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize