Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
