ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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