The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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