I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
