why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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