Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize