yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
