Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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