He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize