I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You took a bar mat shot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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