did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
