Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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