You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize