Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
