im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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