I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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