How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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