bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
