I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize