The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
