Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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