Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
