Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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