I checked into jail on foursquare
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize