More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
