You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
