I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
