Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The ass gains better be worth it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
