WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
