No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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