Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
