just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Less talking, more tequila
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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