remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
