that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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