ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
