Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
