Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
