i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
