do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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