I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
