my phone needs a breathalizer
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
