I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My ass is underappreciated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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