I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
