I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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