somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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