so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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