Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
